“No—”Harryisquiktoutheroff,disturbedtoevenhearthosewordsfromher.“No.I—Iwouldn’tbehere.IfIdidn’twantto.”
AndNarissalooksathim,reallylooks,asifshe’stryingtofigureoutifwhathe’ssayingistrue.Andthen,finallygettingheranswer,hershouldersrexandamusementtingeshersmile.“Whateverdidmysondotoinspiresuhloyaltyfromyou?”
“Hesavedmylife.Yousavedmylife.I…Iwantto…”Savehim,too,Harrythinks,butthat’snotquiteright.Notompletely.Returnthefavour?That’snotit,too.Notreally.
ButNarissa’slookingathiminawaythat’ssoft,andpitying,asifsheuands.Harryhastolookawayfromthat.
“Yousavedus.Believeme,wewouldnotbehereifitweren’tforyou.TheMinistrywouldhavehadusallinAzkabanandthenonvelyfottenaboutus.”
HarrythinksthatKingsleywouldn’thavedonethat,buttheWizengamotisanotherissue.
“Wemadeourhoies.Nowweareatoningforthem.Iamnotproudofthem.Butgiventhehanetodoitallagain,tobegiventhehoietosavetheworldorsavemyfamily,I…Idon’tthinkIwouldhavebeenanywiser.”Thistime,shegnesbakatherson,andsays,slowly,“Itjustpainsme,whenIlookbak,torememberhimhavingtomakethathoieaswell.”
Thedayispeaeful.Itisbrightandquietandinvisiblebirdshirpsoftlyfromdifferentedgesofthegarden.It’sastarkontrastfromtheheavinessoftheiroion.
Narissasighs,softandsad.“IhopeyouuandthatI’mnottryingtojustifywhatwedid.”
“No,it’sfine,”Harryreplies,anditis.“It’salright.Ifyouwanttotalk.Iwantto…”Hepauses,surprisedatthetruthinhiswords.“Iwanttolisten.”
Narissasmilesthatsameamusedsmile.“Youarekind.Remember,Harry.Theworldisn’tnietokindpeople.”
Shelooksdownatherhandsonherp,fingersspedasifinprayer.“Butevenwiththatsaid,Istillwanttoselfishlyrequestthisfromyou.”Sheraisesherheadtolookathim.“Pleasetakeareofmyson.”
Harryinhales,ftteredandsared,buttheanswerisalreadyonhislips.“Mrs.Malfoy—”
“Narissa.”Anothersmile.
Harryexhales,slowly.HenowfeelsNarissa’ssamesurprisewhenheaskedhertoallhimHarryinstead.Itfeels…nie.“Narissa.There’snoneedtorequest.Ihadalreadypnnedonit.”
Shereahesover,takeshishandinhers,andsays,early,“Thankyou.”
It’steafternoon,andDraohasn’tshownsignsofleavinghisstupor.
Harryexuseshimself,doesn’twanttoimposebystayingfordinnerwhenhe’salreadystayedforlunh.Bynow,healreadyknowsalotmoreaboutDraothanDraowouldprobablybeomfortablewithifheknew.HealsoknowsalotmoreaboutNarissa,andLuius,andit’sdis,tofeelthisnewempathyforthisfamily.
Hewonders,Ifitwereme,whatwouldIhavedone?
Truetoherword,Narissadidnotmakeanyjustifiations.Shetoldhertaleasitis,didnotpretendthatsheisasaint.Apologizedforwhatshesaidtohimbakthen,aboutherousin’sdeath.
Itstillhurts,whenHarryremembersit,buttheapologysoothes,evenifjustabit.ShealsotoldhimmoreaboutSirius,growingupwithhim,familydinnerswithhimandhisbrother.Harrythinksthisisanotherwayforhertoapologize,andlistenstoherstories,enraptured,evenashisheartstillhurts,hurtsandahessomuhforSiriusandRemus,andoh,god,Remus.
Hetriestohideit,howherwordsaffethim,butheknowsitshowsonhisfae,aspinasday.
Beforehestandsuptoleave,Narissalooksstraightathimandasks,“Areyoualright,Harry?”
AndHarrythinksthatshe’snotjustaskingaboutthenow,she’saskingabouttheyesterday,thetomorrow,andhiseveryday.Andhedoesn’tknowwhyhewantstobehoatthismoment,maybeit’sbeauseNarissahasalsoalreadybaredherself,thatitseems…safetobarehimself,too.Intheend,heallowshimselfalittlebitofhoy.
“No.Notreally.”
AndNarissanods,doesn’toffermeaninglesswordsofomfort,justtheuandingoftherealitythatheisnotokay.
Harrylooksather,too,atthedarkspotsunderhereyes.“Areyoualright?”
Narissagiveshimawrysmile.“No.Notreally.”
Andallatone,Harryanseeit,theweightonhershoulders:HerhusbandforeverlostinAzkaban,leavingherwithamultitudeofsins,aruinedname,andataintedhomethatonehostedamadman.Herson,theonlyremainingloveofherlife,lostwithinhisownmind.
Narissasighs,slowandheavy.“Summeristhehostofmanyoasionsbetweenfamiliesandanizationsofpower.Ihavetriedtobepresentineahandeveryoneofthem,butit’sbeen…diffiultsineDraoreturned.”
“Oasions?”Harryasks,thinkingofthemanyfanyinvitationsthathe’sthrowninthetrashinthepastthreemonths.“Youmeanparties?”
“Yes,”Narissanods,andthenshehukles.“Someofthoseyou’vedelinedtoattend,Ibelieve.”
Harrygivesasmall,uantgrin.
Narissaontinues.“ItisamustthatIremainvisibletootherpurebloodfamilies.Ofourse,theWizardingWorldknowsofwhatparttheMalfoyfamilyhaspyedinthewar,butweannotletthatforeusintohiding.Therearethosewhoarewaitingfortheopportunitytogainallthatwehaveyettolose.”ShegnesatDraowistfully.“Wemayhavedonebadthings,Harry,butmysondoesn’tdeservetobestrippedofeverythingheeverwasandhad.”
Sheturnsbaktohim.“It’sbeenabittiringtoattendsomanyfuntions.IdislikeleavingDraoalone,espeiallyasheisrightnow.”
Harryimaginesthenofms,ofDraoaloneinhisroom,staringatthegarden.ingandgoing,butstillreturningtothesamesenewherethereareflowersinh
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